The Power (and Delulu) of "Yet"

On growth mindset, late starters, and  the reality checks

(and rebalances) that are sometimes needed when chasing goals.

Words: Mérida Miller/ @mercatmiller

*The following words are by no means an admission of giving up trying. On the contrary, but I've learned that trying sometimes means being honest about what you're trying for.

A little context as to why I know something about this

For the last seven years, I've been writing methodology and coaching a growth mindset to girls aged 9–14 through Project Fearless — a non-profit that creates afterschool programs that are proven to build confidence, resilience, and self-belief. Part of that work means training our coaches in tools and frameworks for helping kids lean into a growth mindset. One of the most powerful is something you might already know, made famous by psychologist Carol Dweck in her TEDx talk,  The Power of Yet.

Here's how we use it at Project Fearless: 

Kid (learning to skateboard): I can't do an ollie. 

Coach: You can't do an ollie… yet. 

Kid: … 

Coach: Maybe you can't do it now, but if you keep working on it, you will.

At this time, the girl usually rolls their eyes, but you see them smirk as it sinks in. And over time, it becomes an internal practice for them to use when trying something hard or out of reach. The tiny word "yet" creates a bridge between I can't and I will — a small shift that supports a growth mindset for all ages. 

But not necessarily all situations. 

The Skateboard Test Case

Before I swapped wheels for pedals, I was learning to skateboard alongside a group of Project Fearless girls. All of us beginners, all equally wobbly, all figuring it out together. In that context, "yet" was perfect. I can't ollie yet. We'd encourage each other, laugh at our falls, and show up the next week to try again (usually holding onto a playground fence for extra support). 

Note to reader:  I eventually landed that ollie.💅🏻

But here's what made "yet" work in that context: we were all starting from the same place. Nobody in that group had been skateboarding for 14 years. Nobody was training 20+ hours a week. The comparison pool was level, and the goal of landing an ollie was genuinely achievable with time and practice.

Gravel racing as a 37-year-old amateur, I discovered, is a different situation entirely.

When "Yet" Meets Reality

I started riding in the summer of 2021, at 32ish and after 5 years in the saddle, I am now what I proudly call a professional amateur — someone who takes the sport seriously, races, trains 12–17 hours a week (which is no small ask alongside a real life), and genuinely loves it. I have also discovered, particularly since moving to Girona, that I am surrounded by people who have been doing this for 10-plus years, who are significantly younger, and who are, frankly, very freaking strong.

On a recent ride with friends (all professional riders), I got dropped on every single climb. Everyone. As I watched my friends pedal away for the fifth time, trying to boost my spirits-

I said to myself:

"It's okay, you're just not as strong as them yet!"

And then I immediately laughed out loud. 

Because in that moment, "yet" wasn't a growth mindset tool... it was more of a toxic positivity delusion.

The truth is those women push watts at a level I will likely never reach and not because I'm not trying, but because some of them have a decade-plus head start, a different physiological history (and possibly 7+ years younger 😅), and in some (most) cases are simply built differently. In this case, telling myself yet wasn't motivating me. It was setting me up to feel like I was perpetually failing at a finish line I'd invented.

So I quickly reframed, still laughing at my delulu and said something different instead:

"Those girls are incredibly strong, and you are never going to hit watts like Lucy. And that is completely okay. Focus on you. Don't blow a lung. And hopefully you'll see them at the top."

(I did see them. They waited. They are good people.)

The Distinction That Changes Everything

Here's what I've landed on, after seven years of coaching this tool to kids and then trying to apply it to myself as I enter my professional-amateur era at 37.:

"Yet" works when the goal is within your reach, given your timeline and your context. "Yet" becomes delulu when the goal requires you to become someone else.

The difference isn't about ambition, it's about comparison.

They say comparison is the thief of joy. But I'd add: it's also the thief of confidence. Because when you're constantly measuring yourself against a version of success that belongs to someone else's story, every ride becomes evidence of your inadequacy- even when, objectively, you are doing something extraordinary. Stay tuned for my next blog: Why Amateurs are the Unsung Badasses of Cycling

Riding 12+ hours a week while working and living a full life, at 37, two years into racing, is not inadequate and something I'm very proud of.

Photo by Castelli_SOG

What to Do When the Comparison Mind Sneaks In

This is the part that's easier said than done. Because making peace with your not-so-strengths isn't a one-time decision, it's something you have to keep choosing. A quick scroll through social media (or Strava for that matter) and I'm back, comparing and self-deprecating before I've even put my phone down. In race settings, when someone in my age group passes me, and my mind starts to slip into thoughts like- “I should be as strong as her!”

What I've learned to do (with practice) is interrupt the spiral with a reframe. I repeat to myself: race your own race, race your own race. 

For me, this does two things. First, it reminds me that in gravel, anything can happen- a last-minute puncture has thrown the best riders out of a leading position in the final kilometre. Second, and more importantly, it pulls my focus back to what's actually under my tires at that moment. Not her race- Mine.

In training and in life, the reframe is similar: you don't know their story. The woman who just floated past me on a 15% gradient? She could be a retired Olympian. She could be training 20hrs a week. She could just be really, really strong — and any of those things can be true simultaneously, and none of them is about me.

Photo by Castelli_SOG

So Where Does "Yet" Belong?

"Yet" belongs on goals that are genuinely within your growth arc. Challenging, stretching, maybe a little scary, but yours. Not borrowed from someone else's trajectory. 

For me, right now, the honest "yet" goals look like this: I haven't finished the season on the podium in my 35–39 age category at Gravel Earth Series... yet. It's a big reach. I'm three races into the season and I have no idea if it's possible. But the goal is mine. It's calibrated to my story, my hours, my starting point. It doesn't require me to become someone else — it just requires me to keep becoming more of myself and whatever watts per kilo that may be.

And in the meantime, Im going to continue to be grateful to my strong-ass friends who push me to climb harder and, more importantly, wait for me at the top.

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Mental Mechanicals is a series Mérida started to help digest and process the moments a CO₂ cartridge can’t fix — the internal breakdowns, breakthroughs, and everything in between.

Read the previous Mental Mechanical story

Socials: @mercatmiller

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Merida on the Connections Podcast